Tuesday, February 26, 2013

God loves me?

How do you know God loves you?
How do you see his affection?
How do you see his smile?
How do you know he cares?

I've always questioned his love.
I've often wondered how he could love me.
I know what I'm like.
Who would ever love me...if they really knew me?

Constantly I struggle with this.
Constantly I feel unworthy.
Constantly my mind rebels at his outstretched hands,
I'm not worthy!
Don't tell me you love me.
I don't deserve it.

And yet he reaches out.
With nail pierced hands that tell me of his love.
With a smile that says, "I love you! I want to be with you."

I struggle with that.
I'm so unworthy.
How can he love me?
He knows my heart.
He knows what I'm like.
How could he like that?

I'm unworthy and yet he loves me.
My mind can't absorb it.
I don't know what to do with that.
It's too much.
I don't deserve it.

And finally I collapse in fatigue.
I give up.
I stop struggling and finally respond,
"Yes, you love me.  I know you do.
I don't understand it, I don't deserve it.
I can't respond to it, but finally, in despair
I rest in your love."

And finally I find the me he has loved all along.
I discover that I am only complete in his love.
I'm only fully what he made me when I rest in his love.
A love for someone unworthy.

I don't know what to do with all of this.
It doesn't make sense to my mind.
My heart rejoices, but my mind struggles.
It's only when I stop trying to figure it out,
and simply rest in his arms that I understand...

....that God loves ME!

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