This morning I had a phone call from a college friend I haven't spoken with in more than 40 years. We talked about our lives, what we have done, our kids and grandkids. We talked about where we are, what we plan to do and how we each are serving God.
I was unaware of my words and what they were communicating to my old friend, but my wife was clear to help me with them (wives are good about that). The one thing that came out (without me even realizing it) was pride. Pride in what I had done. I'm embarrassed to say it but it's true. I'm a very proud person and if I'm not watching it pride will sneak out. It's there. It will never go away. We all deal with it. We all want admiration and respect, but we do our best to hide it.
A wife is a wonderful person to notice things like that and mine is a great help. I don't aspire to pride or glory, but my flesh does. It's always there, it never goes away. We each will battle it until the day we die.
After the call my sweet wife gave me her feedback and I was shocked! I didn't even realize I was letting pride sneak out.
I stepped away, took the dogs for a walk and repented. I so hate that sin is still so strong in me. I hate that it comes out so easily. I hate sin, especially the sin in me! But there it is....waiting to come out....and it did!
It makes me think of Jeremiah's words to his friend when he said,
"Should you then seek great things for yourself?
Do not seek them."
Lord, forgive me for the pride that lives so strongly in me and comes out so easily. Help me to never forget that all I am and all I have is from you. Nothing about me justifies pride. I'm sorry I still struggle with it.
(And did you notice how many times I said "I" in this short piece? It's still there, isn't it? Sigh.)