Thoughts on a frigid December 11th

I've always believed that if you have nothing to say it's best not to say it.  For a while now I've been at that place where I have nothing profound or even boring to say or write so I've been absent.  The tank has been empty!  

This cold Tuesday morning in Texas I'm sitting in a Starbucks for a few minutes before a meeting watching the flow of frozen humanity getting their morning coffee.  It gives me some time to pray, to think, to just "be" before the day starts. 

The last few days I've been dwelling on my own walk with God, the dryness, the sterile soil of my soul and wondering how to get something, anything to grow again.  It's always been clear to me that nothing of God will ever happen apart from God doing it.  I can want it, beg for it, try to create it, but if God doesn't work then it's not happening.  So I pray, I repent, I ask, I wait.  God is doing something in me, but at the moment I can't see it.  I've been at this place before.  I don't like the wait, but soon God will work, will speak, will change me.  Until he moves I wait....

Waiting for God is most often about him waiting for me.  He's waiting for me to get tired of the way I've been doing things.  He's waiting for me to give up!  What seems like me waiting for him is most often him waiting for me.  It's an honest, but embarrassing statement to make, but true that God is more willing to work in my life, to speak to my spirit, to lead me, to do anything than I am to let him.  It takes some work to break up the hard soil of my heart before anything could grow anyway.....there is much the Lord is doing that I don't even know or see.

Oh how I long for victory in this battle of flesh and Spirit.  It is for me the ultimate victory when I simply surrender....surrender to his Spirit to do what I've been wanting him to do, but wanting in my own way.  It has to be his way, his plan, his glory that comes from my life, so victory happens best when I finally surrender and give up.

This battle of flesh and Spirit is such a subtle thing.  It wages on even when I think I'm doing well.  My flesh desires to do things MY way.  Even in my desire to please God I often discover that I want to please him MY way and in that apparent desire for good the flesh is in control.  Pleasing God must be HIS way, done by surrender to his work and leading in me.  For all my efforts to be a "good Christian" I will fail completely in the quest unless I once more raise the white flag of surrender to him and his will, plan and timing in my life.

Frankly most spiritual warfare for me happens in my heart and soul.  It's a battle for Lordship.  Only when Jesus wins, when he is allowed to be King, do I truly please God.  That is the war of this world, isn't it?  It's a war for who is King.  Will it be me or Christ?  

Many books have been written on this topic.  I think I have probably read them all.  One that I just finished was a well done work reminding me a bit of C.S. Lewis' work.  It is titled "The Cure".  It's a great study in the battle for the kingdom of our hearts and God's rule and reign in the world.  It is a kingdom that has already begun to take over planet earth and the enemy of our souls is fighting for all he is worth to prevent the rightful King from taking the throne, but it will happen soon....very soon!

So, on this cold Tuesday morning in December I'm praying, surrendering, giving up my fight to "get God to do something" and letting him do as he wishes.....whatever that looks like.  Come King Jesus, I am yours, I surrender....do as you wish in my life.