Recovering

I know I haven't posted often in the last few weeks, but a trip to Kenya and recovery after has been difficult. And, to be honest, it's another valley time for me. These low times, these valleys, are dry and empty. It's hard to inspire others when it's a struggle to just keep going yourself. Most pastors won't be this honest about the walk of faith, but it's a reality of our frail human condition and a problem for all of us.

I know that to survive these days I must stay in God's word and I do. It fascinates me that during days like these the living words of God seem dry and sterile. I know they aren't, but in these days it seems that way. I wonder, as I read, what is blinding me to the living message of these amazing words? What is causing me to see only dry, sterile words when I know God is speaking? How do I remove this hardness, this dullness from my life?

It's a place I've traveled before. I know all the signs in this country. It's not my favorite land, but I know it well. During days like this it's urgent for me to pray and yet, I must be honest, prayer and time with God visiting about the struggles of the moment, seems to be missing. How do we get so far from the very things that will help us survive these days? I think about the children of Israel walking through the desert and complaining the whole way.....even as God provides water, manna, quail, a cloud to cool them and a pillar of fire to light their way. It makes me smile to realize I would a have been a really good Jew. A whiner, a complainer, a grumbler, someone who misses all that God is doing in my life so easily.

But recovery is near. Part of the battle is simply rest. Time to step away and be calm, sleep, pray and think. I live a life full of people and there is a need for all of us to step away and simply be with one person....with God. I'm doing that this morning. God is so good, he's so patient, so kind, his grace and mercy are fresh each moment and much needed by us of the human race. I'm grateful for his patience as well. What a loving Father, what a gracious savior, what a kind Spirit to care for us, love us and woo us towards the goal of intimacy with him and a life transformed by his presence. I'm getting there, but in these moments is a bit of recovery.