Wandering

I'm half way through the biography of Brennan Manning. It's a delightful and sad work all at the same time. He is honest to the point of pain as he describes his life.

As I read his story I began to think about my story, my life. I will probably never write a biography, it would be far too boring, but I began to think about my walk with God, my own odyssey, and wondering about a word, a thought to describe it.

Like everyone I know it has been an odyssey with unknown destinations.

I never dreamed I would....

I didn't plan to.....

Life is a series of surprises we never planned for. Places we never dreamed we would be, jobs we never wanted to do, lives we never expected. As we look back on our lives, as I reflect on mine, I see a wandering odyssey mostly taken without a plan, purpose or destination. Planning for this, but doing that. Hoping to be here, but ending up there. Wanting to marry one, but falling in love with another. How can we know the course of our lives, how can we plan our lives when we have no idea what will unfold tomorrow or even this afternoon?

Life isn't lived with destinations in mind. It's lived with moments to experience. Right now I can choose this, do that, go here and from that moment other moments happen. Where will we end up? How will it all unfold? Honestly, only God knows. Will I be famous, successful, happy, fulfilled, rewarded, content? Add in a hundred other things we search for and the answer to each is simply this, "I don't know." All of that sounds rather depressing, doesn't it?

As I read Brennan's biography I see a series of decisions that, for him, end in a series of regrets. And yet, in the regrets of our choices we see the amazing grace of God working on our behalf. There are choices to make, that's clear, but the results of those choices are not always clear to us in the moment. All we can see right now is the moment. For me this all comes down to a simple idea that I think describes my own odyssey- wandering.

For that reason I'm so glad for this simply little verse in Proverbs. Without these thoughts to set it up you might read over it, but knowing this truth makes my wanderings bearable.

Proverbs 20:24

A person’s steps are directed by the LORD.

How then can anyone understand their own way?

So, as I wander, as we each wander through the twists and turns of life and choices, know that God is directing our destinations. You won't figure it all out, simply trust him to get you where he wants you to be. That's a great comfort to those of us who sometimes feel like we are just out wandering around.....