Struggling to trust

I wonder why it's so hard to trust God

He has always been faithful

He has always cared

Even as I write these words he holds my hand

But I struggle to trust Him

I think that's why he brings storms

A storm focuses my attention on two things-

my problem and a solution

When all hope is gone

when I have nowhere else to turn

and finally turn to God

I discover he is there

I think that's why he brings storms

They help me focus on him

When the disciples were in the boat

And Jesus slept in the back

He let them struggle

until all hope was gone

Only then did they come to him 

to ask for help

Only then did they lose all hope

only to find faith

"You are the trust of all the ends of the earth

and of the farthest sea.

You still the roaring of the seas

The roaring of their waves."

But you wait until I finally

in despair

come to you

I'm still struggling to trust

I wish I could tell you

I always trusted God

I don't

I'm still trying to do it myself

but when I fail completely

and all hope is lost

I come to Him and he 

is always there

It's a struggle to 

stop struggling

and trust

But gradually

I find

that as I completely fail

and come to him

He graciously calms my storms

His kindness and love

is always sweet

even when

I struggle to trust